By Caraline McDonnell, Senior Program Assistant, BA
As soon as December comes around, many of us wish for a jolly holiday season full of love and family time. Even so, the holiday season brings many hidden challenges, especially when your kids have vacation days off from school and you may have more travel or extended family plans than usual. We know that this is often the busiest time of the year for families, so here are some tips that you can use to make sure your holiday season is full of cheer even when you’re faced with family obstacles.
Overall, kids have an easier time with structure. For kids that have some emotional or behavioral challenges, structure and routine becomes even more important. Having a routine, and knowing what to expect, can help our kids feel safe and comfortable. Without the built-in structure of school and extra-curricular activities, the holiday vacation time can introduce a natural lack of day-to-day routine and structure. This change might increase the odds that your child’s anxious, hyperactive, or oppositional behaviors show up. When you factor in any travel plans or events with extended family members, the unpredictability of these times can introduce more of that loss of routine. Considering these changes, we do know some ways that we can work to keep our days stable and to keep those challenging behaviors and feelings at bay!
Here are some tips for maintaining structure and routine during the holidays:
Preview the day, or the week’s, schedule in a fun way so your kids know what to expect!
Putting some structure into unstructured time can be an effective way to plan and can even be a fun activity in itself! You can involve your kid in this planning and let them choose between fun holiday activities if you have some wiggle room in your day.
Social stories or a visual calendar are tools that you can use to show your kids what you are doing each day. These stories/calendars can be put together with simple sentences, and pictures of the people and places they are going to see each day!
Try to keep mealtimes and bedtimes consistent.
This may be challenging while on vacation or visiting family because of the many added factors. To plan, communicate with family and visitors what times your kids eat and request that you all have dinner together at the same time. Help your family or visitors understand the bedtime routine so that they can support you in keeping this consistent for your kids! Getting enough sleep and eating nutritious food are very impactful for a child’s general well-being.
During a time of celebration, it can also become easy to let the rules slide a little in the name of holiday cheer or family harmony. Although we know that shifts in rules or expectations are meant to be generous and joyful, they can result in further loss of routine and misunderstood expectations for their behaviors during this period. Making sure that expectations are clear, and behavioral guidelines are set, will help the whole family enjoy your time together more!
Here are some tips for maintaining behavior expectations throughout time off and holiday activities:
Pick positive behaviors and choose rewards as motivation!
It could be something as simple as a sticker chart, where they earn a sticker for good behaviors that you have identified. Likewise, try to ignore unwanted behaviors so they aren’t accidentally reinforced.
Introduce your family or any visitors to these concepts so that responses to behaviors are consistent across the board. Consistency will be key in making sure your kids are learning that following your guidelines are the easiest way to have fun!
Set limits for any special exceptions! Have guidelines for how much extra screentime or sweets they can have during the holidays. Have an ongoing conversation with your kids about what they can do during the holidays and how they can earn these fun things through their good behavior! Setting these expectations up front will help your kids know what to do and what the responses will be.For example, “If you keep a calm body during Christmas dinner, you can eat a cookie for dessert!”
Holiday vacations can be full of fun activities for kids, but we also want to make sure it is manageable and fun for parents! It is important to make sure that your kids are getting their fill of social fun and physical activity.
Here are some tips for engaging your kids in healthy ways over the break:
Attend community events or make plans with peers.
This will give your kid a structured activity to look forward to with kids their own age and will provide that holiday fun that we want them to experience. As a bonus, you might get some time to relax and chat with the other parents while they are occupied and using up their energy.
Plan to spend time outside and continue to limit the use of screens. Screens can be an easy fallback option to occupy kids when there is so much going on, but physical activities and fresh air are much healthier for the brain and the body. Limiting the use of screens will help regulate their emotions and behaviors and getting outside can help them exert all that extra energy they have during this exciting season.
We know all too well that parents need support during the holiday season too. You are the ones doing the work of creating a magical holiday season and making sure your kids have things to do during the time off.
Here are some ways you can create back up plans for yourself:
Get copies of your kids’ school and extracurricular activities schedules far in advance.
Having this information can be helpful for planning in advance. Often, school days off do not overlap with our own workdays off. With all the schedules, you can sort out a plan for time off for you and your kids.
Identify trusted family or community members that may be able to provide support during the holidays.
Having someone to turn to for support can be a gamechanger. As parents, there are many tasks you take on during the holidays, from meal-prep to gift-wrapping and arranging travel plans. Ask for support in advance to ensure that you have time to cross off all the things you have on your to-do list while avoiding the stress.
Have realistic expectations for your kids and your holiday plans.
Despite all the planning you may do for the holiday season, find comfort in knowing that even the best-laid plans may go awry. Life with kids is a little unpredictable, and the holidays can be both particularly exciting and challenging for them. Set realistic expectations for their behavior and be okay with a few hiccups in the road. Any planning that you do set up will be helpful in mitigating potential family stress for the holidays.
It may seem counterintuitive to provide structure during the holidays. As adults, we often look forward to this season because of the lack of structure in our work or school lives. It is important to keep in mind that for kids, routines and clear expectations are helpful in being able to engage with family and friends successfully. By planning for this time with your kids you will be able to have a holiday season chock full of joy!
Want to learn more?
- Attend our FREE webinar on December 28
- Contact us
Sources:
Bater, L.R., Jordan, S.S. Child Routines and Self-Regulation Serially Mediate Parenting Practices and Externalizing Problems in Preschool Children. Child Youth Care Forum 46, 243–259 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10566-016-9377-7
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2019, November 5). Building blocks. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/toddlersandpreschoolers/structure/building.html
Managing school holidays and vacations. HealthyChildren.org. (n.d.). https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/work-and-child-care/Pages/managing-school-holidays-and-vacations.aspx
Hosokawa, R., Tomozawa, R. & Katsura, T. Associations between Family Routines, Family Relationships, and Children’s Behavior. J Child Fam Stud 32, 3988–3998 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-023-02687-w