It is normal for children and teens to think about or question their identity in its many forms throughout development, and gender and sexual identity are no exception. The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning Plus (LGBTQ+) community is inclusive of a wide and diverse range of identities and expressions of sexual orientation and gender, and this community is diverse in race, religion, ethnicity, nationality and socioeconomic status.
Our understanding of gender and sexuality is constantly evolving and changing, and many parents may feel like they are learning alongside their children. The way that we think about gender and sexuality has moved beyond the more widely recognized binaries of male/female and gay/straight. The language used by the LGBTQ+ community changes along with the development of gender and sexuality expression. Knowing the terminology is a great start to becoming an understanding ally, and to having the tools to speak with your child about LGBTQ+ topics in a respectful and accurate manner.
Here are some useful terms to know and their definitions:
Sex Assigned at Birth
A person’s sex assigned at birth is how they were classified at birth as male, female, or intersex based on a combination of physical anatomy, hormones, and chromosomes.
Intersex
An umbrella term used to describe a wide range of physical body variations that do not fit typical binary models of male or female bodies.
Gender Identity
Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of being female, male, both, neither, or another gender(s).
Transgender or Trans
A person whose internal sense of gender identity does not match their assigned sex at birth.
Non-binary
People whose gender identity does not align with man or woman, is in-between, or is beyond the gender binary.
Cisgender
A person whose internal sense of gender (gender identity) matches the sex they were assigned at birth from a traditional perspective.
Gender Expression/Presentation
This is the way that people express their gender identity through physical appearance. People can express their gender through clothes, hairstyle, voice, and body shape. Many, but not all, transgender people seek to make their gender expression match their gender identity, instead of their sex assigned sex at birth.
Sexual Orientation
A person’s sexual orientation is described by who they are physically attracted to.
Lesbian
A woman who is attracted to another woman. Some non-binary people also identify with this term.
Gay
A person who is attracted to people of the same gender.
Bisexual
A person who is attracted to more than one gender.
Pansexual
A person whose attraction towards others is not defined by sex assigned at birth, gender identity, or gender expression.
Asexual
A person who experiences little or no sexual attraction to others
Queer
A term used to describe all people who are not cisgender and/or heterosexual. The word queer has been historically used as a derogatory slur towards the LGBTQ+ community and still can be at times. The LGBTQ+ community has reclaimed this term, but each individual may have different feelings about this word’s use.
Questioning
A word used to describe the process of exploring an individual's sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression.
Ally
A person who believes in, supports, and fights for the rights and equality of the LGBTQ+ community, even though they are not a member of the marginalized group themselves.
It is common for kids to question their gender identity or sexual orientation, and for parents to feel unsure in how to support them in this moment. If you think that your child may be questioning or exploring their identity, the most important thing that you can do is keep an open mind, educate yourself, and be ready to listen and support them the best that you can.
Many caregivers may struggle with complicated feelings when their child is questioning or exploring, often as a result of culture, family, religion, or belief systems. Even if you are struggling with inner conflict, supporting your child and letting them know that you are willing to listen to them without judgement can help your child in the long run. It is also important to seek your own support so that you can show up for your child the best that you can. Accessing your own therapy to talk through your feelings of resistance or conflict can help you process any changes and identify ways to move forward. It could also be helpful to find support groups with other caregivers who may share your cultural/religious background and have children who are LGBTQ+ or questioning.
Support is key, because the LGBTQ+ community is a marginalized community, and kids in this community are at higher risk for mental health challenges. Although, we do know that family and social support can be the greatest protective factors for these children.
Want to learn more?
- Watch our LGBTQ+ youth mental health webinar
- Read Considerations for LGBTQ+ Youth Mental Health Care
- Contact us